Several days ago, my fiance Theresa assured me that there was, and I quote, "No way you can get me to eat a McRib." Of course, I took this as a challenge, so now I'm going to do everything in my power to get her to partake of the McDonald's "Limited Time Only" delicacy. We're calling it, "The McRib Experiment".
My first attempt took place on the evening of November 9th. I stopped by the local Mickey D's on my way home from work and ordered the McRib combo. Immediately, there was a problem.
"I'm sorry, but we're out of McRib buns," said the drive-through McPloyee.
"You've gotta be freakin' kiddin' me. You've got these things for six weeks and you're already out of buns?"
"We're expecting some more in about fifteen minutes if you want to wait. Or we could put it on one of our honey baked rolls."
"Yeah, fine, do that." I said. It's mystery meat slathered in fake barbecue sauce. How much worse could a substitute bun make it?
When I got home, Theresa was sitting in the living room. "Hi, Honey," I said. "I got you something to eat. Take a look." I held up the McDonald's bag.
"I'm not eating a McRib," she said.
"Okay, here's the deal. I'll give you ten bucks right now to eat it." Suddenly I started to feel a little bit like Sam-I-Am. If she turned down the money, maybe I could get her to eat one in a box. Or with a fox. Or in a house. Or with a mouse.
I took a ten dollar bill from my wallet and set it along side the McRib.
"No way," said Theresa. "Look at that crap, it's disgusting."
Her son Doug came over. "Can I have the ten bucks if I eat it?"
"No. It's for your mom. Besides, for ten bucks, you'd eat your own shoe."
"What's your point?" asked Doug.
"Yeah, well, forget it." I turned to Theresa. "Well, there it is, all yours."
"I told you I'm not eating that," said Theresa.
"You sure? Ten dollars . . . Meal, or No Meal?" I asked, dramatically.
"Uh, no meal."
Since I'm not going to go above a ten-spot for the bribery phase, I guess it's time to move on to Plan B. And don't worry, there is most definitely a Plan B.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, the McRib didn't go to waste . . .
Of course, the fact that Munson went out in the back yard and immediately yakked all over the place is only going to make my mission more difficult.
TO BE CONTINUED . . .